If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize