my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
