I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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