he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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