ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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