Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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