Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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