Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
