Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
