How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
