3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Randomize
