from now on my penis is your penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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