whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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