Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
