he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
