Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Michael Bay diarrhea
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
