I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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