she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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