Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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