i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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