saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize