I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
