She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
