our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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