end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
