I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
