At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize