I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize