I want to make a zoo with you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
