i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
