her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
