So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
