we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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