guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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