And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my shit smells like andre
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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