So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
