One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The best revenge is premature balding
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
