Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
