I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
