she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
