i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
