It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
try to milk me bitch
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