Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
