I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
