I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
