Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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