im holly from the hills drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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