I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just had sex bonerless
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
