i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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