Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
