I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize
