it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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