shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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