i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
