Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
