Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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