Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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