Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
