I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
