from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
