My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
