Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didn't notice because vodka
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
