Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
