It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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